love is a stranger
I had grand plans to write here last night while I was under the influence of the Grey Goose and several copas of vino, when my head was full of questions and my heart full of emotions, but the link wouldn’t work and I had to hold my fire, which, for those of you who know me, will know is something of a gargantuan task.
And now it has been brought to my attention that a whole year has almost come and gone since the Taoist gave me this platform and when did that happen? How did a whole year just go, just like that? And where is the love and why are people scared to show it, when really there is so little time to find and give your love?
What is the fear in people when love is shown to them? Some act like they never had love and they want me to go without too. I am talking, of course, about all love, not just the kind of love you give to someone in a bed for 48 hours straight and even though I know this flies in the face of all those hours with Madge in Kabbalah class, we only get one shot at this life, one chance to make it all right, just one chance. And mostly we throw it away.
Over the last few years, I have lost people I cared about very much to a terrible disease and then the possibility of me joining the ranks was brought abruptly to my attention last year when I was in Sydney. Now there is a three year old child seriously ill with cancer and we have embarked upon, me, my sister and Stan Afeaki, a little fundraising foundation for her and it’s hard, it’s so hard and slap my thigh and call me naive but I really, really didn’t count on people’s blunt disinterest. And I struggle with my feelings about this on a daily basis.
I’ve always been too emotional, I’ve always felt too much of other people’s pain, but this is part of me and now I am old enough not to make any apologies for who I am. I have been around the world and seen astonishing beauty, sadness and ugliness and I have been blessed by the kindness of strangers; angels in the midst of the unbelievers, their love shown unconditionally, even in the smallest way - and angels, like love, find you, not the other way around:
so, to the man at Hawaii airport who knelt on the ground and cradled my stricken sister’s head in his lap until the ambulance came; so, to the woman on the train from Buenos Aires to Mendoza who shared her food with me upon the realisation that all I had for the 23 hour trip was a bottle of water and a biscuit; so, to the South African rugby team who sat in a circle around my sister all night while she slept to protect her from being sexually harassed at Dubai airport; so, to the six year old child who spent her savings to buy me a gift; so, to Diego Ghersi, an officer and a gentleman; so, to the unknown German man at Frankfurt airport, aka the Hellmouth, who saw me in distress and offered his help; so, to the unknown man in a London restaurant who mysteriously paid for my dinner; so, to the people who for some reason smile at you across a busy street; so, to the people who don’t build a fortress around their hearts, I thank you for your love.
Time goes by so quickly that a year seems like no time at all. Show your love, give it unconditionally, whether or not it is returned, whether or not you think it is “deserved”. It’s the most difficult thing in the world to do, but it’s the only way…